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The Universe doesn’t want me to have a functioning laptop

and I don’t even know why

I feel like the world is a better place when I have access to a working laptop.

I’m a giver.

I create good things, and help other people who are doing good work in the world.

But for some reason, and despite my best efforts, I have been without a fully-functioning laptop for a number of weeks.

The Universe seems determined to deny me the tool of my trade.

My current, loyal, and until now reliable Asus Tuf has begun crapping out on me slowly but surely.

It’s started randomly opening the DevTools Console window but there’s no rhyme or reason to the frequency or what triggers it. The wonderful Alice Jennings suggested a Chrome extension to help, and that has cut down the pop-up interruptions enough for me to be able to type in Notion, but Gmail, MailerLite, Thrivecart (aff link), and the Sugarhill Brighton website - all the regular staples of my business - are off limits.

It’s definitely time for a new laptop.

This one has lasted 3.5 years, which means it’s done in excess of 3,500+ hours of loyal service - not bad when my typing style resembles an angry elephant tap-dancing to Metallica.

The keyboard currently looks like this (and that’s the second set of replacement stickers)

My fingertips clearly sweat some sort of corrosive acid.

So reluctantly, because shopping (apart from jumpers) is not my thing, I began my search for the next laptop.

If you’re a Mac user about to message me something about buying a Mac, don’t. Thanks.

I took a somewhat unromantic approach to selecting the next machine.

Analysis of available laptops allowed me to conclude that I needed an i7 processor (or a Ryzen 7, I wasn’t fussy), plus 16GB of RAM. That would nestle me in the Sweet Spot, avoiding a cheap but painfully slow spec, without having to purchase a powerful beast so expensive I’d be terrified to touch it.

So I bought the cheapest i7-16GB combo I could that had decent reviews. A Huawei MateBook. Next day delivery.

Feeling super smug that I’d made a decision and got my hands on a replacement in less than 48 hours, I unboxed my new work tool, set it, up and recorded a quick Loom video to check the webcam and mic worked.

But when I played the video back I could hear rustling and loud clicking as if something was smashing against the mic. And that’s because that is exactly what was happening. My wrist was bumping the mic, and the clicks from the trackpad were LOUD because they’d put the microphone in the front edge of the bottom of the laptop, right underneath the trackpad - rendering it completely unusable for me. Genius!

I sent the laptop back and restarted my quest.

Clever Facebook began hitting me with ads to support me in my decision-making and showed me one from a refurb company. They took old laptops, put in the processor and RAM you wanted, and gave you a 3-year guarantee while saving a laptop carcass from the dumpster. And they could get my new laptop to me in 2-3 business days.

It sounded perfect, and I felt very green and worthy - and I saved a few hundred quid.

TWO WEEKS LATER I received a text saying finally the laptop would be delivered that day.

Which it was not.

The next day, it did arrive.

I unboxed it, set it up, recorded a Loom video and……

The mic was unusable. It was hissing and cracking and banging, all while a sporadic beeping alerted me to the fact that the charging port was broken and constantly losing and re-instating its connection to the power supply.

OK…. time to package up laptop #2, send this one back and start over.

But seriously Universe, what gives? I don’t even care about the laptop. I don’t need anything fun. I just want 16gb of RAM and an i7 processor with a mic that works.

As I vented at my husband (he’s such a lucky man to have me)….I felt a disturbance in the Force.

Maybe I should care.

Maybe the Universe is telling me: ‘Slow down there. This doesn’t seem like a big financial commitment. But you’re entering into a 3-year relationship (minimum) with a machine you’ll touch more often than your own husband, this deserves some thought’ - obviously I didn’t say this out loud because I couldn’t deal with a jealous husband as well as the whole no-working-laptop situation.

So I decided to start my decision-making process over.

I reconsidered what this laptop was to me:

  • A channel of communication between me and my clients. The tool I use to release the thoughts in my head into text other people can read. A channel for my voice and face to reach the people that want to see/hear from me.
  • The tool I use to release the thoughts in my head into text other people can read.
  • A channel for my voice and face to reach the people that want to see/hear from me.

I thought about my body, and how I wanted the laptop to work in relationship with it. Which made me think about my eyes and migraines, and so I researched info about screen types that would best suit me.

And after a few hours, I found the one.

I even psyched myself up to go out into the world and visit a demo model in an actual store.

I drove through flash floods, determined that no matter what challenges I was presented with, I would soon hold in my arms the new love of my life.

I arrived at the store and was met by a nervous, apologetic fellow telling me that all the tills were down, and I was welcome to browse but couldn’t buy anything today.

No worries. I came to see the laptop. I’m here. I’m going to do that. And then I will buy it from their website, using my phone.

Which I did.

And today was the day that the laptop was due in store for collection….and it’s 17.10 and yep, no laptop.

Seriously Universe, what do you want from me?!?!?!

And now my crapped out, melty-keyboard Asus Tuf is actually doing fine today. FFS.

There is literally no point to this blog post.

But thanks for reading it anyway.




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